The power of proximity.

The first step in any relationship is that of being noticed. While there are many insights to be gained from The Like Switch by Jack Schafer a former FBI agent, a repeatedly mentioned tactic is that of proximity. Merely being in view during someone’s daily life can lead to having an influence over that person. With the proper amount of patience, we can interject ourselves into the lives of anyone we wish.

Jack brings up many examples of this tactic, some of which are personal accounts of its effectiveness. Sometimes direct, other times indirect. While working towards getting information out of a detainee, Jack would sit across from the man and read a newspaper, heeding no attention across the table. This went on for weeks until at last the detainee began asking what Jack was doing. It wasn’t long until casual conversation lead to a full disclosure of the information Jack was looking for. Jack’s passive presence in the man’s daily life built a strong trust.

A less forward example of this tactic took place when Jack was scouting out a potential informant working at a convenience store. Jack would make sure to be seen each morning as the store owner was heading to work. That was it, just being seen. He did this for over a month before lightly interacting with the store owner via friendly eye contact and smiles. It wasn’t long until the store owner began communicating with Jack asking him friendly questions.

This opened the doors for Jack to show sincere interest in the man, creating a deeper connection. Needless to say, Jack was able to recruit the store owner as an informant.

There have even been studies done regarding this proximity effect. Mentioned in Invisible Influence by Jonah Berger is a study that took place in a college lecture hall over the course of a semester.

~250 students filled a lecture hall multiple times a week. At the end of the semester a survey was given out depicting the images of 4 equally attractive women. (Random samples of people outside the classroom rated the women as equally attractive)

There was a clear distinction among survey takers between the four women from most to least attractive. Why? What was the differentiating factor amongst these girls? Time spent in proximity of the members of the lecture.

Each of the four girls were actresses who came to class at different frequencies and pretended to be students taking notes. The correlation between the number of times they showed up versus their perceived attractiveness was a direct one. The more time they spent in class, the more attractive they seemed.

The kicker? Few if any of the students recognized the pictures on the survey as people who had attended the class! The proximity effect works on the subconscious level.

We are constantly under the influences of the people and symbols surrounding us. We can use this knowledge to our advantage by paying attention to what may be influencing us, and accepting that we are constantly being influenced. We can use this knowledge to influence others as well, whether it be to find a date, make a sale, or just making new connections.

The first step? Showing up with some patience.